i cant even describe last night, technically this morning. i know that no one wants to hear about matt. this is my journal though. and well, oh well.
yesterday was a bad day. things at home just broke my heart. my dad is off insurance (medical) and that means no physical therapy, no more medicine, no more doctors. i am scared. he is scared, whether he admits to it or not. i just know i want my dad here forever. I know that isnt possible, but still i love my dad.
also, i got my period yesterday. i cant even describe the agonizing pain i was in. i was throwing up, and curled in a fetal position. dad gave me a pain killer and it didnt really work, so it was bad. this is one of the reasons i was on bc in the first place, and and now that i am off of it because there is no point in taking something that doesnt work (i have been on antibiotics for about a month on and off)... so yeah it was shitty. just so much seemed to be going wrong. oh yeah!!! how in the world could i forget that i hit a car... mm yeah.. no damage to either cars but still... it sucked, it could have been a lot worse and i didnt even have my license with me, so yeah.
okay - so on to what made things good. my friends. michelle could tell i was upset she took me out. we got a sundae ,we talked and just chilled. then we went to tiffs house, and painted her toe nails for prom and laid around watching tv. 1.30 this morning matt picked me up. we went out to his house on the ride over he asked me what was wrong and i told him. he kept looking at me.. and i was really self-conscious. i didnt know why he kept looking at me. we got to his house, and it was chilly so we just sat on the couch in silence, cuddling and he kissed me. not much later he looked at me and i asked what... and he said this is the prettiest i have ever seen you look.. i just looked at him.. he has never told me that i am pretty to my face, he has said it in an i.m and i had to force it out of him... then later we were lying in bed and he was rubbing my back and he was like "roxy..?" and i said "yeah" and he asked why i am so self-conscious i said because i really dont like myself..he told me around him i dont need to be self-conscious because as he said it "i like you, i like all of you"...
i wanted to cry and i wanted to hate him at that moment instead i just kissed him...
he brought me home at five this morning.
i hate saying goodbye to him.
he told me he will be back at the end of the month and that friday night we will spend time together, that makes me happy =]
today i got up and went to tiffs house to get her ready for prom. she looked beautiful. i also helped paige. and went to see all of my lovely high school friends, some of my graduating class was there it was nice.
i miss you MU kids.... A LOT